Holy CRAP; I thought I knew EVERYTHING about photo!?

"We know that Prokudin-Gorskii intended his photographic images to be viewed in color because he developed an ingenious photographic technique in order for these images to be captured in black and white on glass plate negatives, using red, green and blue filters. He then presented these images in color in slide lectures using a light-projection system involving the same three filters."
Making Color Images from Prokudin-Gorskii's Negatives

So, it seems we actually had color negatives in and around 1909. He knew the process would work at some point and the technology would catch up to his vision. Amazing.

The beauty of clearance

I try and find different ways to express myself creatively. You try being a creative individual when you are limited day to day in corporate america. I know I've whored my sole for a somewhat comfortable life, and my "work" has suffered because of it. Where the hell is this going you ask? So we're in PierOne looking for holiday gifts. I glaze over. I find that in 5 minutes, I've walked the store 3 times now, while my wife is stuck in one fucking section. I mean, for god's sake, it's PierOne - hell, it's even a PierOne CLEARANCE store - just pick it up and lets get the hell out of here.

That's not 100% accurate, but you get where I'm at.

So when the wife catches up to me we're in the candle holder section. I look over at these things stacked and say:

"Those are kind of cool..."

Not skipping a beat (since I hate all things candles I'm sure my wife is thinking I'm drunk and she's about to score the score of all ages - more useless candle crap) she says:

"Where we're you thinking (of putting them)..."

To which I respond:

"On the wall. Above the mantle."

Wife:

"Really? How?"

Me:

"Screws. They're just made of wood..."

So my art project comes to life. 2 screws per little "hand-carved" candle holder. Less then a buck a pop (they were listed at $8 originally. Who the fuck spent $8 a pop on one of these? If that's you reading, PLEASE send me a picture of yourself, I'll do a post solely dedicated to you!!). I like it. Wife likes it. It's pretty cool looking. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Ah...the happy times

As I sit here wanting to rant about all the things current in my life I'm struck with one small issue - I can't hop in my classic 1966 Porsche 912 and make it all go away. I had my wife take this picture to punish myself when things get real down (not that they are by any means, I just miss my damn car). So here's the happy bastard and my baby. I hate Missouri. Not that I hate Missouri per say, but the fact that I can't buy another Porsche due to having to pay property tax on cars EVERY YEAR!? Fucking ridiculous.

slant32.com will soon have a number to notable updates to the portfolio section - watch for those. My latest Halloween effort has been posted.

And not to combine posts too much, but I recently finished my first U6 soccer season coaching my son's team. What a great experience. Parents actually LET you scream at their kids - who knew? And they want me back for the Spring? Crazy shit my people, crazy shit indeed.

I have a number of articles to post in regard to finance, design, usability, but damn if I don't miss my Porsche. Soon my masses, soon.

Men & Women & Flash

I have to post about my boy having a killer soccer season, and I have to post my latest costume (to see previous years, click here) - but first I have to post this little animation I was just sent.

Funny as hell.

Other posts to come - tonight hopefully.

No sheep were harmed...

Simple little flash game, but damn if it isn't fun to play!

Sheep Tranquilizer

My children get this from their mom

My poor children. It's as if they are wanting to start boxing, or mob enforcement. You know, starting the scars and black-eyes early to intimidate.

So I get home from soccer practice, pick up some junk food (take 3 of those miniature chicken sandwiches, some shrimp-fried-rice and a 7UP), pop in the new Batman Begins and attempt to relax in the basement. It's 8pm, the littlest one should be on her way to bed.

"(patter of little feet) dada, dada, DADA..."
"Hi honey. Want to watch with me?"
"Okay. Alright."

So it becomes a family affair as soon as the wife discovers the little one got downstairs. Ty on the chair, me with my mound of junk, and the little one in between me and the wife under a rather large quilt. As I'm watching and eating I don't notice my daughter squirming next to me attempting to reach towards the coffee table - neither does me wife. The sound that came next is hard to describe in words. Think: Thud + Wham + Clunk + Holy SHIT my kid just hit her fucking head on the wooden coffee table and didn't my OTHER kid just get rushed to the emergency room for possibly breaking his nose - kind of sound. Then eerie silence. Then explosion of horrific screams.

So she just missed her eye (thank god), is rather swollen, but all in all in great spirits. What next, the dog is going to walk into a bear trap?

Who says miniature golf is a safe sport?

No, this isn't me after a drunken brawl on Saturday night licking my wounds (like I'd post pictures of that - ok, I might). No, this is what happens when you have children - anything!

As the story goes - he's repeating it to every person at Children's ensuring that his loving parents didn't inflict the damage themselves (which I can respect to ensure there hasn't been and abuse, but still it's mildly unnerving). He was at Paradise Park, they were outside playing Putt-Putt, he was inbetween the slacker kids and the fast moving kids, he hits a "square shaped block on the ground..." and catches himself with his nose. Now, the swelling has yet to go down (it's been less then 24 hours), but the doctors asked us to check to see if he in fact has broken his nose. My wife asks me frantically "What do we DO if it's broken???" Ummm, watch him grow up with a crooked nose? That's about it. Besides, it looks cool. By the time he's 10 the story will go something like this "so there I was, 25 8th graders about to pounce, me being only 6 at the time, I had to think fast...thank god for that military training...it's about all that saved me..."

So to this he got no staples, no stiches, and no shots - a good day in his mind. His reward? Cartoons, donuts, Wendy's and a little extra room on his bedtime. Oh, and can you believe my wife had never eaten a Big Mac till last night?

Dude, I'm Irish - and stop trying to steal my rental!

Well this was one of those weekends I needed the entire week to figure out (since I was averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night). My cousin got married this past Saturday - I was the best man. Now, I could turn this entry into a very negative account of events that occurred up to the event, or I could concentrate on the ridiculous events that happen the weekend of. Not sure if family reads this so I'll stick to the stuff that happened directly to me.

So it was a monsoon season apparently in the Annapolis area. Introduce a shit load of rain into an area that has been bone dry for weeks and you get flood issues. Thank god my rental was an AWD Saturn VUE, or so I thought. To save on money I stayed with friends locally (thank you very much). They live in PG County. THAT NIGHT over conversation it was mentioned "man, they just released a stat that PG County averages 40+/- car thefts a day!" So I think "wow, I should own a chop shop in PG County."

After the rehearsal dinner at a bohemian restaurant in the sticks I get back to my friends house, grab a drink and pass out on the couch in the basement. At 6:30am I am awoken by the familiar sound of a distant car alarm...that can't be MY rental car alarm...fuck, it is, isn't it? So I walk upstairs, walk out in the storm, and see my rental blinking and honking. I hit the button to stop it. Walk around the vehicle, check out the interior, nothing. Now, for those that don't believe it was an attempted jacking, there was NO lightning and NO tree branches.

**When you are out of town without your wife and two small children there are certain cardinal rules that are put into place (1) ALWAYS have your wedding ring (forgot mine because I was working out the night before - I swear, seriously) (2) ALWAYS drink more since you don't have a disappointed finger shaking at you when you return home (3) ALWAYS sleep LATE, since for the past 6 years you don't even know what sleep means**

So I'm awake now. I got about the day. Hang with my cousin who wanted to spend the day at the Scottish Festival in our KILTS (oh yes, I had to wear a kilt tux for the wedding - which I looked cool in, pictures later), but thanks to the rain that was out. Went to the wedding, had a lovely time. Gave a nice speech. Hung out with some cousins. Sent the groom off to a good start) All around good time.

I have an early ass flight Sunday AM, and I get back to where I'm staying by around 1:30am. I crawl downstairs, turn off the lights and make sure to set my alarm on my cell phone. At 2:15am what do you think happens? Come-on kids, if you've gotten this far I'm sure you can figure it out?? The FUCKING alarm goes off on my rental AGAIN! I go outside ready to draw blood. No one around, nothing wrong, I missed them. I guess they really wanted that Saturn. So instead of going back in and waiting by the window I drive around Silver Spring a bit, then drop the car off 6 HOURS EARLY and spend the rest of the time at BWI.

Lesson learned - pony up for the hotel and make SURE to rent a Vibe next time (who the hell wants one of those anyway).

No man can eat 50 eggs!

So as I type in numbing pain from the "congestedness" of my kidneys I peruse past stupid things I've done in the past year. It kills time and makes me smile at my own stupidity; like the time...

So I might have had a couple Pabst down on the farm (wife's family, fridge full of Pabst, insert your Deliverance image "here") one sunny afternoon. Actually, I think it started to drizzle, anyway...so the conversation comes around to stupid bets. It's tossed out by my uncle Gary "like the Saltine bet...gets em every time..." Saltine bet? What the hell was he talking about? "What the hell are you talking about Gary?" He looks at me as if I didn't grow up on the farm (which I didn't) "you know, 10 Saltines in 1 minute...can't be done..." I look at him with a Pabst buzz and say "...so let me get this straight, 10 Saltines, 1 minutes and all I have to do is eat them? And that's the bet?" He looks right back at me "$100 says you can't do it..." Well holy crap, we've got a wager about to happen.

So this is where women add another level of misunderstood ignorance. My wife was present for this whole exchange, or was it she only came out from the house when she (with her bionic ears that I KNOW she got instead of that teeth cleaning a couple of years ago...who goes out of state to have their teeth cleaned?) heard the possibility I was going to win $100 flat and that might be too exciting a thing for me so she MUST squelch that dream along with all the others!

So I wasn't "allowed" to bet $100 on a deal that was sure to be the easiest thing I had done in the past week. They get 10 Saltines. We get a watch with a second hand. Someone has to grab a camera. 4. 3. 2. 1. I pop the first one in, then the second, then the third...now here I must interject that I must have been dehydrated from all the quality beer I was being served, that and the fact that I do not believe they were actually Saltines since Saltines use lard which I think would have helped me. Needless to say, I was dry as the Sahara by cracker 4 and lost the bet.

Kids, listen to uncle Andrew - Pabst + Farm + Bet = never a good idea.

My Kidneys Have Failed Me

So, as a recommendation, when you have constant shakes, night sweats, lower back pain, and all around confusion - go see a doctor. I'm sitting here, in enormous pain, sweating though my clothes because I have a severe kidney infection. I haven't been able to sleep, I've even broken out into hives (though, they've gone away since yesterday). Mind you, my boss is still on me about the projects that are piling up, even while I'm sitting here about to vomit...Corporate America sucks.

So, how did I get it? Don't know. According to the doctor, they can build up and at the slightest moment hit you like a truck. I walked in from work, and literally passed out on the couch.

Water and Gatorade are my only hope in making it though the next few days.

Teaching an OldBoy new tricks

If I hadn't become a photographer who happened to become a designer who happened to become a digital art director I would have studied film. I adore the medium. Hell, I've written two partial scripts that I should really complete before I start on a new project I've been kicking around. I am privileged enough to have enough information in my head where as I can honestly say "Ask me anything related to photography and I can answer it..." I know a lot about a lot of shit, but photography is my golden concept. Film would be my second. At one time I had a DVD collection of well over 400. I have since pawned off many titles, but all in all I can hang with most on an intellectual level about the art medium of film.

OldBoy. I had read I needed to see it. I had read that it made many "must own" lists. I was anticipating it's DVD release. I watched it last night and I must say, for a film to stay with me 24 hours later must really mean something. It was as if I was watching Taxi Driver for the first time - SE7EN - The Usual Suspects - To Kill A Mocking Bird. Films which I hold in the highest regard. I explained the plot to my wife tonight and she looked at me in awe. The story is such that captured my imagination to express perhaps a minute reflection into my own work. It's been a long time since something has hit me so hard. Rent it. Own it. Watch it multiple times. Even if you don't "like" it the staying power is insane.

Since we're here on this subject, lets allow some other titles that you may have never heard of but should:

City of Lost Children (French)
Dellamorte Dellamore
Charade
Way of the Gun
Insomnia (the ORIGINAL people, the ORIGINAL)
Shallow Grave

Gizmondo

According to WashingtonPost.com this is the new "it" PDA to have for gamers this coming October: Gizmondo. Seems you can get it currently in the UK. See, that's what I'm looking for - not only do I have to deal with crazy drivers on cell phones, reading the newspaper, smoking (ok, you got me), or beating thier children who are in the BACK seat, soon we'll see a new breed of idiot drivers: People who play games while they pretend to be paying attention.

And you know what, I'm going to aspire to be one of those new idiots!

PhotoShop Genius

Just one of those days for cool shit I guess. Glenn Feron does some amazing retouching work. Some of the best I've seen. Check out his portfolio - amazing work.

And no, I'm not posting this as an endorsement of exaggerating the female form which society seems necessary to distort which will most likely give my daughter an eating disorder by the time she's 10. BUT, most people forget that a photograph is an illusion in itself. I can make you look a thousand different ways by use of lighting, lenses, filters, film and even different cameras. It's all fake, not real, and a manipulation. Mr. Feron does it after the fact, where I was taught to do it up front. But damn some of those women are smoking!

White Stripes on Cephalexin

I've been sick. I blame many people other than myself for my current condition. For Father's Day my wife got me tickets to see the White Stripes at Starlight. I love the stripes, but there are only a handful of bands that I would crawl to after being attacked by blind ravenous chiggers (Burden Brothers & FireWater to name a couple). So we opted to go to Everett's instead. Little did I know that on Tuesday night it's "buy one get one free" till 8pm. Holy crap! So when our waitress brings me 2 martini's - lets just say I was up to see the Stripes after all.

Good show. Wife was sick too so we left early to miss the crowd. A crowd that was less then impressive!? What the hell? I figured it would have been sold out? Jack Johnson is sold out this Friday - what gives?

Google is taking over the world

Once again Google has taken an existing technology and added just enough spin to make it better - Google Talk. Seriously, Google is taking over. Once Google Earth catches up with what the government must have in regard to cleaner/crisper imagery, the virtual world we call the web will enable me to stalk a LOT easier.

I mean, honestly, 4 billion:

"Google shares, which have tripled since going public one year ago, closed Wednesday at $285.10 on the Nasdaq Stock Market, giving the offering an estimated value of $4 billion (euro3.25 billion) at that share price."
cnn.com

So the question is, what will Google do with another 4 billion? Buy someone of course.

912 no more

On a totally unrelated note (I know, stabbings are a lot more interesting) I just got an e-mail from my baby's new owner. Yes, I sold one of my children. Screw YOU society; I should be able to sell ANYTHING I WANT! Obviously I'm referring to my 1966 Porsche and not an actual child.

She had been on the market for just about three months. Shit loads of inquires, a couple test drives, and one final buyer. I had just got back from showing her and I got an e-mail. He was interested, of course. We chatted back and forth on gmail. I was tired, and even more tired of these guys never getting back to me. I said "John, if you really want her, send me a deposit and I'll pull the listings..." He says "Ok, how much?" I was dumbfounded. Why didn't you pull that one SOONER dumbass!?!?

Wouldn't you know it, after driving her back from the last showing she wouldn't crank over. The guys over at 912bbs gave me a shit-storm of an "idiot, what you are describing isn't possible! Why not tell us what isn't working and WE'LL tell you what is wrong..." I love being stupid. So, the good people at Imagine Auto changed some wires, bolted a relay back on, and she fired right up. Actually, she drove better after that one modification that she ever did in my possession. GOD DAMN IT!

So John flew in from Denver, drove her back and she started acting the same way again? But this is what he sends me:

"I love her.

Got the Whale tail ready to go on but the sun roof didn't work out so well considering I was probably using the wrong tools...I thought a can opener would work but I guess I was wrong.

Seriously I have only buffed her with a diaper. She is going in for her doctor visit on Thursday and I have checked to see if the starter has some loose wiring but could not find any problems with the starter motor wiring or the booster wiring. I guess that is where the professionals come in right?

Thanks again, I can not say that enough."

She's a dream car. He'll love her for years to come. Part of me hates him.

Teen is charged in mother's death...

This is all I've been hearing about on the BUZZ. The ride home yesterday, the ride in this AM. All the VJs are really messed up about it. Seems a 16 year old Honor Roll student had an off day and possibly stabbed her mother. She's being tried as adult. The Kansas City Star has the story.

What I found interesting on Lazlo's program last night was his honest attempt to find out if there had been anything he missed. The BUZZ has a chat room that this girl (I'm sorry, even if she is being charged as an adult she's still just a kid) posted a number of times. General conversations, comments, images (of herself), general intelligent bullshit. Lazlo even called Dr. Drew to get his thoughts on the whole situation. Dr. Drew ran a number of possibilities on what could have caused the stabbing one of which is the use of drugs. He went on to talk about the effects of SPEED. The catch slogan that was coined in the 70's "Speed Kills" doesn't refer to the fact that by using SPEED you will die, but prolonged use will create the illusion of sever paranoia mixed with strong rage and the desire to physically hurt someone.

I know nothing about the situation other than what I've heard on the radio, read in the newspaper and researched on her BLOG and chatroom posts. I don't know if she was abused, was even ON drugs or has any mental illnesses. I am confident, currently living here in KC that I will find out more details, but doubt anyone will even understand the real reasons.

I mean, christ, BTK is still going on here, what the hell is next? I need a drink.

Cool Ass Link

I get a shitload of links from friends all the time. Why are mine better than the ones your friends send? My friends are designers and go looking for the best shit on the web. Am I saying my friends are better than yours? Hell yes they are.

www.pumpupthemovie.com/toss.html is pretty fucking funny.

Starting the day the Tivo way

I realize I've reached an echelon of geek-dom that is still on the edge of excess, but holy shit, I can record ALL the Law & Order SVUs, and That 70's Show, and Futurama, and The Most Extreme (Animal Planet, for the boy, was the only way he'd get in the god-damn car to go to Best Buy). I can also Pause live TV, replay shit, and a whole slew of other shit I'll never use!

Now I don't watch much TV. Why then did I buy a fucking Tivo you ask? Because the TV I do watch is very specific. The fact that I can record those shows, find 30 minutes in between the family/house/job/cars/freelance, and actually sit down and watch what I want when I want just seems like the logical way to run my life. I am, after all, living in the On Demand world. Why shouldn't I be able to control the destiny of my viewing pleasure instead of the corporate giants "telling" me what to watch, when to watch. God damn it, Tivo is as American as ignoring the homeless, or leaving your dog locked in the back seat on a blazing hot day, or crack heads being Mayor.

With any luck, studies will show prolonged exposure to the gamma rays being omitted by the box will shrink your testicles to the size of Goobers and cause partial memory loss.

Brave Little Man

My wife is a fantastic writer. She doesn't do it enough. But when you run a house of chaos and deal with an over-inflated ego such as mine, time runs away from you; at a very hurried pace.

Today my son gets his 3 shots he needs to enter Kindergarten. I am taking a half day to help restrain him while my daughter most likely looks on in horror and fascination at her brother's reaction. My wife wrote an entry about it which I will quote here:

"As I open my mouth to admit the possibility of shots (I refuse to actually confirm them) he comes over to my side, takes my hand and says "Cause I know it's just little needles and won't hurt that bad." My jaw drops, he continues, "I do get scared sometimes when they want to stick the little needles in, but then the hurts over so fast and I don't even cry..."

What a kick ass little dude. He doesn't know dads picking up Star Wars Clone Wars for us to watch this afternoon. He doesn't know we're going to hang and chill till he feels up to eating whatever he wants. He's growing up, and I think that's a little difficult for mommy.

I'm just psyched I get to watch Clone Wars with the boy this afternoon and give him his first
beer, first lap dance, and first tattoo.

Will Ergonomics Save My Back

So, thanks to my work schedule and the numbness in my wrist I believe I may have finally contracted carpal tunnel syndrome. I use the word "contract" because this could have been avoided; I could have used protection to save myself the discomfort, embarrassment and humiliation I've had to suffer out in the open. I am now labeled a pansy.

Because I am so needed at my job, a specialist was brought in to evaluate my working station, the way I sit, the distance my monitor sits in relation to the outreach of my arms (?). So after it's all said and done, I am more uncomfortable now then I was when I had opened my big fucking mouth "do you REALIZE how hard you work me here? NO help, LONG hours; and I think I have carpal TUNNEL!" I figured I'd get a pat on the back, maybe a half day, but not all this crap.

So now my chair is upright, my line of sight 3/4 from the top of my monitor, my second monitor is raised on a platform to my right, and all my god damn Photoshop palates are ALL screwed up.

Isn't it time for a drink?

New Porsche Vs. Digital Hasselblad

As a professionally trained photographer (many people think I come off as arrogant when I start a sentence this way. It offends people who think that statement deems me a better photographer then they are, and such that I have a wealth of knowledge that they don't to which I shouldn't be so blatant about. Fuck that. For $100,000 [which is what my education fucking cost] and the fact that I am no LONGER a professional photographer, all that first statement says is that I am TRAINED as one) who no longer shoots very often I become lonely. I miss the chemicals, the paper, the negatives, the Polaroid's and especially the sense of accomplishment when I do shoot a great fucking image. So I'll take one of my 40 different cameras and shoot for a couple weeks, or days, or maybe I just look real hard at the camera and think about the picture I could be taking, and then I get back to my fucking digital playground. When I do get the bug it's usually for a new camera. A new digital camera because I've become a lazy slacker who likes the idea of starting out in Photoshop as opposed to cleaning a shitty scan.

$22,000 for a Digital Hasselblad. $22 fucking thousand dollars. Can you hear the conversation:

"hey babe, I know I've been talking about selling one of the kids and getting a Porsche 914, but get THIS; Hasselblad has a new Digital Camera out that uses Zeiss Optics, has a built in 40GB hard drive, and looks like the Honda Element of cameras! What do you think? Get 2? Sell BOTH kids? You're the best..."

Fuck me sideways. I need more inexpensive hobbies.