Men & Women & Flash

I have to post about my boy having a killer soccer season, and I have to post my latest costume (to see previous years, click here) - but first I have to post this little animation I was just sent.

Funny as hell.

Other posts to come - tonight hopefully.

No sheep were harmed...

Simple little flash game, but damn if it isn't fun to play!

Sheep Tranquilizer

My children get this from their mom

My poor children. It's as if they are wanting to start boxing, or mob enforcement. You know, starting the scars and black-eyes early to intimidate.

So I get home from soccer practice, pick up some junk food (take 3 of those miniature chicken sandwiches, some shrimp-fried-rice and a 7UP), pop in the new Batman Begins and attempt to relax in the basement. It's 8pm, the littlest one should be on her way to bed.

"(patter of little feet) dada, dada, DADA..."
"Hi honey. Want to watch with me?"
"Okay. Alright."

So it becomes a family affair as soon as the wife discovers the little one got downstairs. Ty on the chair, me with my mound of junk, and the little one in between me and the wife under a rather large quilt. As I'm watching and eating I don't notice my daughter squirming next to me attempting to reach towards the coffee table - neither does me wife. The sound that came next is hard to describe in words. Think: Thud + Wham + Clunk + Holy SHIT my kid just hit her fucking head on the wooden coffee table and didn't my OTHER kid just get rushed to the emergency room for possibly breaking his nose - kind of sound. Then eerie silence. Then explosion of horrific screams.

So she just missed her eye (thank god), is rather swollen, but all in all in great spirits. What next, the dog is going to walk into a bear trap?

Who says miniature golf is a safe sport?

No, this isn't me after a drunken brawl on Saturday night licking my wounds (like I'd post pictures of that - ok, I might). No, this is what happens when you have children - anything!

As the story goes - he's repeating it to every person at Children's ensuring that his loving parents didn't inflict the damage themselves (which I can respect to ensure there hasn't been and abuse, but still it's mildly unnerving). He was at Paradise Park, they were outside playing Putt-Putt, he was inbetween the slacker kids and the fast moving kids, he hits a "square shaped block on the ground..." and catches himself with his nose. Now, the swelling has yet to go down (it's been less then 24 hours), but the doctors asked us to check to see if he in fact has broken his nose. My wife asks me frantically "What do we DO if it's broken???" Ummm, watch him grow up with a crooked nose? That's about it. Besides, it looks cool. By the time he's 10 the story will go something like this "so there I was, 25 8th graders about to pounce, me being only 6 at the time, I had to think fast...thank god for that military training...it's about all that saved me..."

So to this he got no staples, no stiches, and no shots - a good day in his mind. His reward? Cartoons, donuts, Wendy's and a little extra room on his bedtime. Oh, and can you believe my wife had never eaten a Big Mac till last night?

Dude, I'm Irish - and stop trying to steal my rental!

Well this was one of those weekends I needed the entire week to figure out (since I was averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night). My cousin got married this past Saturday - I was the best man. Now, I could turn this entry into a very negative account of events that occurred up to the event, or I could concentrate on the ridiculous events that happen the weekend of. Not sure if family reads this so I'll stick to the stuff that happened directly to me.

So it was a monsoon season apparently in the Annapolis area. Introduce a shit load of rain into an area that has been bone dry for weeks and you get flood issues. Thank god my rental was an AWD Saturn VUE, or so I thought. To save on money I stayed with friends locally (thank you very much). They live in PG County. THAT NIGHT over conversation it was mentioned "man, they just released a stat that PG County averages 40+/- car thefts a day!" So I think "wow, I should own a chop shop in PG County."

After the rehearsal dinner at a bohemian restaurant in the sticks I get back to my friends house, grab a drink and pass out on the couch in the basement. At 6:30am I am awoken by the familiar sound of a distant car alarm...that can't be MY rental car alarm...fuck, it is, isn't it? So I walk upstairs, walk out in the storm, and see my rental blinking and honking. I hit the button to stop it. Walk around the vehicle, check out the interior, nothing. Now, for those that don't believe it was an attempted jacking, there was NO lightning and NO tree branches.

**When you are out of town without your wife and two small children there are certain cardinal rules that are put into place (1) ALWAYS have your wedding ring (forgot mine because I was working out the night before - I swear, seriously) (2) ALWAYS drink more since you don't have a disappointed finger shaking at you when you return home (3) ALWAYS sleep LATE, since for the past 6 years you don't even know what sleep means**

So I'm awake now. I got about the day. Hang with my cousin who wanted to spend the day at the Scottish Festival in our KILTS (oh yes, I had to wear a kilt tux for the wedding - which I looked cool in, pictures later), but thanks to the rain that was out. Went to the wedding, had a lovely time. Gave a nice speech. Hung out with some cousins. Sent the groom off to a good start) All around good time.

I have an early ass flight Sunday AM, and I get back to where I'm staying by around 1:30am. I crawl downstairs, turn off the lights and make sure to set my alarm on my cell phone. At 2:15am what do you think happens? Come-on kids, if you've gotten this far I'm sure you can figure it out?? The FUCKING alarm goes off on my rental AGAIN! I go outside ready to draw blood. No one around, nothing wrong, I missed them. I guess they really wanted that Saturn. So instead of going back in and waiting by the window I drive around Silver Spring a bit, then drop the car off 6 HOURS EARLY and spend the rest of the time at BWI.

Lesson learned - pony up for the hotel and make SURE to rent a Vibe next time (who the hell wants one of those anyway).