I love comments | Delving into the world of online one-liners

It can be the forum community on any of my Porsche sites I frequent, the comments on Digg, the chatter on Rotten Tomatoes / IMDB... some of the stuff in here is hysterical. I try and stay clear of the really ugly and mean discussions, but for those that comment and use wit to elevate a ridiculous story I raise a glass of electrolyte enhanced water to you. I've read multiple things this morning that have caused me to openly laugh here in the office. Granted, I tend to snicker and chuckle (who the hell chuckles) now and again (and who the hell says "now and again"), but to laugh out loud (lol for those in the know... man, I'm even more of a looser today for some reason) at a comment thread, that doesn't happen much.

So when I read, in reference to a posting over at Reddit about a stupid picture of a lonely dog in the rain:

"When are you coming back, Phillip J. Fry? (link to comment thread)"

That just freaking had me on the floor (if you are a fan of Futurama, like I am, you get it... maybe not that funny, but it hit a nerve).

Or, when over at Digg someone posted an application to test if you happen to have Autistic Tendencies (the site is down at the time this posting was posted):

"Hey! fuck you test! just because I don't like people doesn't mean I'm autistic! (link to comment thread)"

I mean, I'm still laughing at that. I don't know if it's because I can see myself saying (writing) the same thing, or if my medication is reacting to all these new electrolytes in my system, but some of these anonymous people out here are freaking great. Most are self-serving jackasses who enjoy belittling the masses, but some of you are freaking great (no, not you, them; them over there).

YELP | Yet another user-generated-outlet-for-wasting-time

Although, to be fair, this does have the potential to be very helpful with reviews about local business and such. It's a competitor of CraigsList, with a Facebook type of spin. We'll watch and see how it evolves. From their about us section:

...the ultimate city guide that taps into the community's voice and reveals honest and current insights on local businesses and services on everything from martinis to mechanics.

Of course I've setup a profile and am going to showcase the best and worst experiences in this great slice of life I like to refer to as Kansas City. What I like about Yelp is that it's the "ULTIMATE" city guide, as opposed to those other not so ultimate ones... er... k...

King Statue | Made in China

Washington Post article.

It seems that Lei Yixin was selected to create the 28 foot statute of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for the Mall in Washington DC. Having lived just outside of DC for most of my young life, a monument to Dr. King is long overdue. It seems some people are are bit upset by the artists selection...

"Dr. King's statue is to be shipped here in a crate that supposedly says 'Made in China.' That's just obscene," Winfrey Young says.

According to the article - "She and her husband, Gilbert Young, a painter, are leading a group of critics who argue that an African American -- or any American -- should have been picked for such an important project."

I can't help but quote Mr. Yixix:

"He has always dreamed that people from all over the world will not be judged by the color of their skin -- that we would all be brothers and sisters and enjoy equal opportunity. Now I have the luck to get this opportunity..."

He's got a point. And frankly, the initial concept for the sculpture is rather impressive in my opinion.

Trunki | Luggage for little people

Talk about a cool idea. Don't get me wrong, I love it when I travel with my little angles and they scream, whine, cry, moan, and generally act like little monsters while in the airport. And don't get me started when I actually ask the bigger one to CARRY something (god forbid). This suitcase could possibly be the solution for the little buggers. On various other blogs adults are asking: "where's the my size version... I get tired too..."

Apparently the inventor got ripped apart on a BBC show for aspiring inventors/entrepreneurs called Dragons' Den (never heard of it).

So for $40 (without shipping) you can get a suitcase that holds up to 5 gallons of space, wheels, a puling strap, and potentially a kid who won't give you such a hard time while waiting to run though security... I'm sold. Read more over at the website for the Trunki.

Best of all Worlds | Porsche's new 911 Cabriolet

Let it be known here that I am not typically a fan of Porsche's convertibles. I know, I know, unthinkable. I love the way the 356 looks with the top down, and the 550 is just awesome, but frankly when they all put the top back up I'm no longer awe inspired. This brings us to a 2 fold post: great new website, "eh" new Turbo.

Porsche (and Volvo, and Saab, and VW) have been creating some fantastic micro sites to promote new auto releases. With Flash, they've been incorporating video and audio and 3D unlike many out in the online space. It's fluid (as long as you have enough pipe to flow all the load), clean, stylish and simply cool to play with. Now, I'm not a fan of introducing navigation that confuses, so it's always nice when non-traditional nav works well with the informational gathering (and traditional navigation is offered). It's a cool site.

The other reason I'm not so much a fan of Porsche convertibles... if I'm going to be driving as close to 200mph as possible, and I've got 450+hp at my access, I'll be damed if I don't have a freaking roof above my head. I really need to look into a roll cage.

Time to quit your day job | Google pays you up to $10

Now you won't be an employee of Google's, but a Google Representative. All you have to do is own a digital camera, have access to a computer (and internet; come-on people, you're making me work too hard at this), and I guess that's it. I mean, I'd suggest you use a car, but for dense cities I guess walking would be your best bet. So what's the deal? Google is attempting to compile the most accurate small business database around, and they need your help. From the FAQ section:

"As a Google Business Referral Representative, you'll visit local businesses to collect information (such as hours of operation, types of payment accepted, etc.) for Google Maps, and tell them about Google Maps and Google AdWords. You'll also take a few digital photos of the business that will appear on the Google Maps listing along with the business information. After the visit, you submit the business' info and photo(s) to Google through your Local Business Referrals Center, and we'll pay you up to $10 for each listing that is approved by Google and verified by the business.

All you need to be a successful Business Referral Representative is a passion for helping local businesses succeed, a love for the Internet (some knowledge of Google is great, too), and access to a computer and a digital camera."

Sounds easy, eh? That's $2 per pop to submit info, and an additional $8 when the small business confirms the info. I don't know... hit 10 a day, say 7 of them actually confirm, work seven days a week... that's $490 a week... 52 weeks in a year.... that's $25,480 a year working 365 days a year... lets say you can double that to 14 per day, working every day out of the year... that's $50,960... Dunno if I'd quit my day job, but I love free money.

Now wait, I'd hardly call this free money (great, am i talking to myself in a BLOG... this can't be good). You've got the camera cost, computer costs, gas costs (if driving), varying access to business (a lot of places don't open on Sundays, holidays, etc.), and then there's the people hurdle:

You - "Hi, I'm with Google..."
Business - "You work for Google?"
You - "Well, no, I'm a Representative..."
Business - "Do you have a card?"
You - "Well, no, I don't but I'm here to verify your address and have you heard about AdWords..."

Call me crazy, but this seems like a great idea in theory... I'm dying to see the person who proves me wrong and averages 30 business a day. Good luck people, I'll be watching.

GrandCentral

I totally forgot to mention this while I wasn't posting for so long (did that make sense?): GrandCentral was acquired by Google a while back and I signed up for the service as soon as I discovered it. Check it out.

Twitter

You'll notice the new little box to the right just under my profile... I've just started messing with the service. More to come.

HTML 5 | The Future of the Web?

Great article from Elliotte Rusty Harold about new elements in HTML 5. Very exciting stuff. Looking forward to playing/testing them in new projects.

Vertu Ferrari Phone

I hate being sick, but I love finding ways for cross branding opportunities - too bad this is a shit idea. The Vertu Ferrari phone is being released to commemorate 60 years of Ferrari (again, why a phone???). I was reading about it in my Stuff magazine (I know, talk about a lot of useless information in this months issue). 1,947 will be offered as a limited release (get it, 1947... 60 years... come-on people, keep up). The back is apparently a reproduction of a break peddle (not going to make any more fun of this phone that hasn't already been done on the blogs so far). What does it cost? Well I'm still a little fuzzy, and my reference magazine is upstairs, but I believe it was in the $7K range (give or take). Granted, a lot less expensive hen a real Ferrari, but I doubt the resale will be any good. Stuff did have a shot of the display, and the graphics looked pixelated and crappy. For $7K+/- my graphics better be a hell of a nicer then my t-mobile crack phone!

Wii Bowling | Totally forgot

Over the weekend the little princess and I were playing Bowling. I'd lost my groove, but am still at Pro status (for those that don't know what I'm talking about, yeah, I'm sick so I'm not going to go into it, sorry). I mean, I can't bowel a Turkey to save my life. I'd been messing with a new style, so I attempted to be as consistent as possible. Strike 1, 2, Turkey, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11... one more frame, one more freaking frame and I'd have a perfect 300... and wouldn't you know it I freaking choked! 297. How pissed was I!?!?

Screw land, I want an underground silo

It's always been a dream to have a secret lair under my home (ala BatCave, or better yet Blast From The Past). The idea of having a subterranean getaway is just cool. So im home sick looking sad and pitiful when the wife brings me a "feel better" gift: my latest Stuff magazine. Page 23 has me wanting to call my lender: www.missilebases.com. From the website:

We have now sold 27 of these properties to excited owners that plan to refurbish and use them for various personal and commercial purposes. Because the availability of these properties is limited, we see them as an investment sure to grow in value.

So all I have to do is sell that kidney (shut it, those of you thinking they aren't worth anything any longer) to get me a fun "This Old Missile Silo" project. I wonder if Bob Villa would help me out?

Day With Dad

So the wife took the girl to a birthday party on Saturday, and suggested I take the boy to get his back-to-school supplies because it was the "no tax" weekend. Not seeing the display at Target I figure we'd just get him a lunch-box or something. As we came closer to the "supplies" area I could feel the air become tighter. The smell in the air was that of chaos with hints of scented hand lotion. I could also feel the floor tremble with that of designer BOGO shoes... I had inadvertently stumbled into the center mix of the Back To School Mom-O-Roma. The boy and I were lucky enough to get out alive; camouflage lunch-box in hand. I text'ed the wife:

"...the moms scare me... I'm pulling out... I'll see if I can grab a couple polo's along the way... if i don't make it I've always really liked you..."

I felt it only appropriate we wash that experience down with some Wendy's, which wasn't as awe-inspiring as it usually is... so I figured I should attempt to salvage the day with something cool: The Simpson's Movie.

In true dad form, we show up to see if we can fall in a range of times to catch the film - no knowledge of schedules. 50 minutes early. No worries, we'll play some games. He's made a b-line for the crap dispensers which I shut down "...dude, you have a room full of crap. Just play something, will you?" Being the good parent I am, I head to the pinball machine and leave him to find an alternative. So what does he end up playing? Some first person shooter with a kid who just got out of the earlier Simpsons show; I realize after all my tokens are gone. He really needs work on his aim (XMAS is right around the corner... hummmmmm).

So the movie was cool. We had to have a conversation on the ride home about language and what he's not allowed to repeat, situations he's not allowed to ask questions about, and why he's not allowed to take any dare I may suggest to him that involves public nudity. Frankly, if I hadn't already shown my questionable parenting judgment by letting him see The Monster Squad movie just a couple of weeks ago I might feel bad; but I don't. Now, to make all of you happy if/when Futurama comes out with a film I won't take him to see that until he's actually 13; unless it's R, then yes, I will take him to see that - Futurama rocks!

One of my favorite YouTube Videos

Because it just never gets old. Also check out Natalie Portman's rap for similar hilarity.

The Best Show On Cable

So jacking around last night I stumbled across the G4 channel. I'm going to say that my favorite quote of the night:

"...give me that cell phone, I'm on my period, I'll shove it down my pant..."

So, after we've established that this channel is "edgy" lets move onto my latest discovery - Ninja Warrior. Holy crap, this show is awesome. 100 contestants challenge for the opportunity to become labeled a ninja by completing a series of physical tests. These guys are freaking awesome. Talk about upper body strength.

The closest I've ever come to being labeled a Ninja was when I bought some throwing stars from a kid in elementary school. Wait, I was labeled a looser-dork, not Ninja... my bad.

Daddy Daddy, Kill The Spider

Now, I hear this a lot as a father of small children. I also hear "Daddy, daddy... it's a moth, KILL IT!" My kids are "normal" little buggers interested in insects, reptiles, etc. We have pet frogs (which stink up my sons room like ass, but I digress). I read Reddit every once and a while, and this morning a story just freaked me out:

"Pet spider kills its owner"

Now, ok, I can live with that title for a story. I can also usually live with that much information and move on. Did I in this case? No I did not, and I really wish I had. Read on my fellow rubber-necker's:

"Police broke in to Mark Voegel’s apartment to find spider Bettina along with 200 others, several snakes, a gecko lizard called Helmut and several thousand termites had gorged on his body."

Now, I'm not going to ruin the ending for you (yup, there is more) so head over to the Sun for the complete article. What got me was someone out there was stupid enough to live with all these creatures in an apartment with them running LOOSE!? Now, my rifle coach lived with so many guns that when you sat down on the sofa odds were that thing poking you in the back was a pistol, but snakes & dart frogs & spiders all crawling around your place? I'm going to guess he didn't date much.

It is sad that a human was eaten by his pets, but my god I'm going to suggest it was only a matter of time. I like to live a little dangerously, but hell, I'm not going to sit around naked covered in honey and let my pet South American Killer Bees just roam around the house... I keep them locked in my kids room. Hey, they wanted them!

The Pokemon Incident

My friends son is in the hospital for a surgery to help with a pretty serious issue. She and I trade stories about our children because, well, they do stupid shit and it's funny to hear what all they are doing. Knowing that she's freaking out about her boy in the hospital (he's older then my son by about 10 years), I shoot her an email about something that happened in my house last week. The next segment is taken from the original email I shot over to her:

"How you doing mom? Little boy sick got you a bit nutz? Well if it makes you feel better (or not) *WIFE* had a moment with *BOY* yesterday: the mom/son dynamic explodes...

We are headed to see a movie. I am not home – on my way to pick her up. Babysitter is already there. *BOY* declares that he is walking across the back lot to his friend’s to trade PokeMon cards. Apparently, PokeMon cards he JUST got that day from another friend. Babysitter says no, not now. He ignores her. *WIFE* walks downstairs and he’s at the back gate, ignoring the babysitters repeated requests to stay in the back yard (sweet girl, needs more guts). *WIFE* gets him inside. She’s pissed. She’s going on about how disrespectful he’s being...then she notices him staring at the PokeMon cards she’s taken from him... Ignoring her, watching the cards...

*WIFE* - “These!? Are THESE what this is all about??!! Well lets just take care of that to get your focus back on the situation at hand!!”
**RIPPPPPPPPPP TEARRRRRRRR TORNNNNNNNNNNNN**

2 cards ripped to pieces. He’s floored, stunned, shocked... Then I call and light into him after *WIFE* tells me what he did (not mentioning the card ripping, of course).

By the time I get home, he is hyperventilating and literally sobbing unable to control himself. We leave. She calls to check in after the movie and at one point he came downstairs with a bag of toys and said he was running away.

So I spend the whole night with her ALL upset at how she handled herself, feeling guilty, just in a shitty mood.

Mothers and Sons. Thought you’d get a kick out of that.

Later"

So my friend responds with:

"Tell *WIFE*, the day will come when she and *BOY* will reminisce and laugh over the drama. And, he will love her as mom even more."

Apparently she and her son were laughing so hard he asked her to stop heading because he was laughing so hard it was hurting his stitches. I went on to tell her about the times I made my mothers life hell because I was a prick for a couple of years (shut it people, I'm a different KIND of prick now).

She's absolutely right. The bond of mother and son is deep. I know as much hell as I've given my mom over the years, my mommy takes up a lot of room in my heart.

Don't Answer, It's Google

I don't know, maybe everyone who uses AdSense is totally on top of their account, unlike me. I login every once and a while when I remember. So recently I logged in and noticed a message:

"We need to verify your address, so look for a letter from us in the mail..."

I thought to myself "cool" I love getting mail from Google, and it's been a while. So when the letter came, and I followed directions to verify my address how stoked was I to see a new notice:

"We now need to verify you home phone number..."

For those that haven't gone though this process yet, you have to click that you are in fact at home after you've logged into your account by clicking a button (or at the location of the number you provided originally), and Google calls you to ask for a code which they have provided to you. It was instantaneous. Google came up on the caller ID, I followed the brief prompts, and that was that.

Random Deodorant Story

So on the way home I stopped at a gas station to get some small bags of Salsa Verde Doritos (because the stores around here don't carry the big bags... kills me), but this particular one doesn't carry them. Irritated, I walk out and get in my car. On the way to my car I noticed a couple grubby dudes standing by the ice bag thing. I shut the door and look up to one of them putting on what looked to be womans deodorant. Now, it is hot outside, and I guess if you stink you stink, but I just got done with a seminar where a section was all about perspiration, and things you can use with deordorant... random.

Etiquette Training | Who Knew?

So my company setup etiquette training for the entire staff. Mostly perceived as "silly" or "I've got better things to do" by those I spoke to about it prior, but I was optimistic (a first; I know). It was really rather informative. Our instructor was perfect for the group I was in. Now I have a manual for all the inappropriate things I've been doing all these years in the professional game. Basic things like hand-shake method, zones of appropriate eye contact, where a name tag should be placed (right side, closer to your shoulder), and conversation tools to help with an unknown group. It was good stuff.

My favorite quote:

"...you can get Botox injections under your arms to help with heavy perspration issues..."

Want another one? Here you go:

"...if you do have sweaty hands, you can use deoderant (one with no smell) on your hands prior to an engagement to help..."

Last one:

"...Rabbi's wives don't shake hands..."

Again, who knew?

Talk about an insaine shot | NOT MINE

I've seen some wild photo's before, but this is just sick. Check out all those onlookers faces. Composition wise, this is a once is a lifetime capture. I love camera burst. Reminds me of Ben's style. If I didn't know any better I would have pegged it for one of his.

You can also check out the video for it - it's the last vignette, so fast forward or check out all the other really cool stunts prior.

Dark Knight | Viral Joker + ComicCon + DIGG

Last week I stumbled across a post regarding the latest Dark Knight viral website launch. Syncing up with ComicCon, the producers of the film (to be released next year) launched a rather obscure site with a count-down clock. You see from the re-direct they've obviously changed it to the on-site promo. The image displayed along with this post is the actual main page. After the countdown was up, you were presented clues and puzzles to advance to the next screen. The basic payoff was a new teaser trailer. Pretty cool. You were suppose to sync up with individuals on the ground at a location that was quickly determined to be right across from where ComicCon was being hosted (CA). We're talking some cool shit here people. I'm sure if you search DIGG for the posting you can find additional information (or I'll just give you the link I was using). So, what's the point you ask? I'll break into a new paragraph to continue.

Now, I've been reading DIGG for a while now. I've Dug and Buried. Read very heated and angry posts... I've enjoyed being a fly as opposed to a participant. Last week, when I was waiting for the clock to count down, I was glued to DIGG (like many) reading up to the minute information regarding the interaction of this promotional promo site. As I was screaming at the computer:

"What the hell, where are the real time updates... this is CRAP... I HATE YOU DIGG..."

Other DIGG members were posting the same things. It was great. I was on the edge of my seat as it was unfolding. I was part of the group trying to figure it out, calling the provided number (it was a creepy "hostage" message with additional clues... amazing) to gain additional information, going back and forth with posters... I was part of a viral event that has since disappeared from the original location (obviously people have saved the .swf files and captured screens). Virtually being in the thick was simply awesome. Well done Warner Bros. And thank you DIGG.

Posting Test via Cell Phone | Looks like it works

Another testing from the cell phone.

Y The Last Man

So I was reading a couple blogs talking about new comic-movies in the works. They referenced "scrapping the barrel" for B-grade series, except this one: Y The Last Man. What got me interested was all the fanboy talk of the difficulty "one" film would be. See, it's a series that gets more complex as it goes... I know, I know, look at X-Men and Spidey; both complex series with a massive history and storyline... What I was getting at is I agree with all the fanboys that this would make a fantastic HBO or SHO series. Toss in some high production costs, some A-talent; would make for a killer series.

So, what's it about? From Amazon:

A mysterious plague has killed every man on earth except Yorick Brown, who was somehow spared. That is the provocative premise of the comics series whose first five issues make up this book. The sole Y-chromosomed survivor is an amiable, headstrong young man, the son of a U.S. congresswoman and, as it happens, an amateur escape artist. He spends most of the story on the run from a tribe of self-styled Amazons bent on eliminating the last vestige of patriarchy. He is also trying, with a bioengineer who may be responsible for the worldwide "gendercide," to figure out why he survived; hoping to reach his girlfriend in Australia; and, of course, contemplating the repopulation of the planet.

After reading the first book I was blown away. Just went out over lunch to get the rest of the published series. Not since Sin City have I been this into a book, and I've been out of the graphic novels for some time. More when I get into the series.

Wii | Holy Crap I Forget to Tell You

The wife got me a Wii for Fathers Day (how freaking "old news" can you get, wasn't fathers day, like, a while ago... see, if I don't blog about this stuff I have no idea when it happened!?). Love it. Brought the joy back into gaming for me.

So, I work, you know, at a job, and can't spend hours all day playing Bowling. But my kid can. And he can rub it in my face that he's a Pro level before me. Screw that into your pipe and smoke it! Man, was I pisssed. So I stayed up that very night he called me out and made Pro Status. He has since LOST his... bruhahahahahaah.

Look, I'm not shooting for father of the year here people, just a little friendly competition with the boy. Back off.

I've also scored gold in ping-pong (3rd try, no less). Look, I'm not as much of a dork as this all is starting to sound... whatever people, don't you have some intellectuals BLOG you can go read??

Wii kicks ass, and the wife who bought it for me does as well. Her fitness score is in the 60's... mine is 31. HA! Big dork here people, big dork...

Where the hell have I been?

Well, I've been playing over at Facebook ( i know, but it's a lot better then MySpace... maybe), messing with LinkedIn more, and forever trying to change the outlook. Just like the last post, I'm starting soccer season soon (next week to be exact). BU8 now. Crazy. Should be a good season.

I know I always say it, but I'm going to try and add stuff here more, because I miss it when i can't remember what I've done for the past 5 months (and I can't) - writing it down helps in the long run.

So I guess I'm back for the moment. I know you've missed me.